Lohe:
“Today, we have a very special guest, all the way from the mystical lands of Finland… a true legend in feline grace, box demolition, and lap occupancy… please welcome… Lady Iitu!”
(Applause track from invisible mice orchestra)
Iitu:
purrs politely “Thank you, dear boys. What an introduction! I feel like I should be wearing pearls.”
Benno:
“We would’ve brought you some if Lohe hadn’t used them to decorate the litter box.”
Lohe:
“They were aesthetic, okay? Anyway—let’s begin!”
🎤 Round 1: Cat Stats & Style
Lohe:
“Lady Iitu, you are 17 years old. That’s like… ancient and majestic. What’s your secret?”
Iitu:
“Fresh air, quality cuddles, and terrorizing cardboard boxes. Oh, and naps. So many naps.”
Benno:
“You destroy boxes?! Can we see your technique?”
Iitu:
laughs “I call it the ‘Fluff-and-Shred’. First you sit sweetly in it, lull the hoomin into thinking it’s adorable. Then you pounce and rip the flaps off like you’re chasing paper dragons.”
Lohe:
“Noted. Benno, write that down. We must train.”
🎤 Round 2: Life in Finland
Benno:
“How’s life up north? Do the birds taste different?”
Iitu:
“They fly slower in the cold. And the hoomins wear many layers, but their laps stay warm.”
Lohe:
eyes wide “Wait. So it’s cold, but the laps stay toasty?”
Iitu:
“Precisely. It’s the best of both worlds. Until they stand up suddenly and ruin everything.”
Benno:
“Rude.”
🎤 Round 3: Hoomin Talk
Lohe:
“You met our hoomin. Did he behave?”
Iitu:
“Impeccably. He offered snacks and sat patiently. I sat on his lap like royalty and allowed full cuddles. He’s a well-trained hoomin.”
Benno:
snorts “We trained him. Took months.”
Iitu:
“You did well. He brought stories of you both.”
🎤 Bonus Round: Lightning Questions
Lohe:
“Favorite food?”
Iitu:
“Soft salmon bits, served on a warm towel.”
Benno:
“Favorite box?”
Iitu:
“The one labeled ‘important documents.’ Extra fun.”
Lohe:
“How do you feel about cucumbers?”
Iitu:
narrows eyes “Suspicious vegetables. They sneak up on you.”
Benno:
“Are you interested in a long-distance alliance?”
Iitu:
“Only if it involves shared recipes and photos of destroyed cardboard.”
Lohe:
“This has been… inspiring.”
Benno:
“Educational. And slightly terrifying.”
Lohe:
“Lady Iitu, you are truly a national treasure.”
Iitu:
“Thank you, young ones. May your naps be long, your boxes plentiful, and your hoomin obedient.”